It's certainly been a while...
October 14, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Hello there Pwned Nation. It's most certainly been a while since I've made a splash around these parts. It's certainly been an interesting transition in life, and for better or worse, I've come out of it with a clearer head.
Essentially, the major change I had to deal with was with the recent divorce of my parents. For years the road they had gone down, the fights they continually had, the disdain they seemed to have for one another... The signs were there, the red flags had gone up time and again, it was inevitable that they were going to call it quits. Even then, knowing all of that, knowing the things I had known, I suppose there was still something in me that wanted to at least hold on to the notion that there could still be some sort of "family". There was still something in me that wanted to believe something better could come out of what had been going on.
When I think about it now, the things that had happened will ultimately be for the better. At the time, it didn't feel that way. The grim reality of the situation felt unbearably heavy. It was like my mind was thinking so hard, trying to figure out every last nuance that had led to where things were, it just hurt. It was painful to the point where I was snapping at every little thing that would only remotely irk me in a normal situation. The frustration was moreso apparent when I was playing games, notably Rock Band 2.
During Sakura-con this past April, I was entered into a Rock Band 2 tournament along with a few friends. I'm normally a competitive sort as it is, but there was something different about me. It was like I was possessed, the emotions fueled a new "level" of aggression. What kind of "level", you ask? Let me just say that it's only recently that I can headbang and not feel dizzy seconds after. The abuse I had put on my body certainly was unlike any I had done to myself before.
It's all I really had during the time: gaming, my friends, the family I could go to and not run into any "he said, she said" bullshit... Aside from having the support from friends and family, the escapism that came with gaming made me forget about what was going on, if only for a while. Whether it was street racing on the streets of Los Angeles, flinging shit at cars and buildings in Stilwater, traversing the dark corners of outer space, or shredding a mean guitar solo or drum it up like a crazed mofo, gaming really helped keep myself as sane as possible in a situation where insanity would've been an understatement.
...apologies for bringing something heavy/serious like this, but it felt necessary to at least convey what had been going on. I'm doing much better these days and feel that I'm on a better track with my life. Things are finally starting to look up for me, and here's hoping things will stay that way.
'til next time, take care of yourselves.