As some of you may remember, back on November 10th we told you we were having a contest. Well, we've found a winner! However, we've been a little busy and didn't realize that Left 4 Dead was in fact released today! So, if you were chosen as a runner-up, never fear! We will have something good for you as well. Check your inboxes! It's a seeeecret!
To those of you who bitched that we didn't answer your question RIGHT WHEN YOU FUCKING ASKED IT, learn a little patience. Did we not say to wait? =/ This was a contest open to everyone, while only a handful joined. We gave it some time in case there were people who wanted to get in on it. In actuality we really shouldn't even attend to you bitchy ass whiny people, but we are not c_nts so we will anyway. However, before you message us and complain, please remember that contests are open to everyone, and thus, take time. Kay, thanks.
Here's Setre's winning question and our response:
Dear Pwn Kitties,
I have a new girlfriend but I don’t know if I should stay with her. You see she’s a robot zombie from planet X and although she can control her urge for brains she tries to eat mine sometimes. This isn’t the problem though; the REAL problem is she likes JRPGs and ONLY JRPGs and I HATE JRPGs. I’ve tried to get her to play other games with me like Soul Calibur IV (she called me a perv), Dead Rising (called me raciest), Mario Galaxy (said it was for kids), and Metal Gear (she said Snake had no penis). I mean I tolerate watching her play Final Fantasy and even have planned on picking up Chrono Trigger on DS for her and am going to try it myself, still every time I try to get her to play a game I like she has an excuse or tries to eat my brain. I like her but the relationship is starting to get stressful, what with her never wanting to play a round of Brawl with me or having to lock myself in a closet while she goes on a rampage trying to find me so she can crack my skull open. So what should I do? Dump her? Put up with it? Shoot her? You’re my only hope Pwn Kitties!
It sounds like maybe you should stay away from robot zombies. Where did you even meet this chick, World of Warcraft? That's the only place I can imagine that would cater to such people. Ayway, though, the answer is simple: put her down. Think of the future offspring you might have. How far in life is a human/robot/zombie hybrid going to get? There are plenty of amazing, successful, and beautiful Pwn Kitties, I mean...girls out there who play many more genres of games besides JRPGs. While I enjoy them myself, I would never confine myself to just one genre. That'd be like only listening to one type of music. Sit her down one day (you might have to lure her over with a DS and Final Fantasy IV), and tell her that she's about to go the way of Old Yeller. You might need to sprinkle various JRPG game discs along the floor to lead her to the door that leads outside. While she's sniffing around, make sure you grab your shotgun. When you're outside you might want to point in the opposite direction and yell, "LOOK! IT'S FAMOUS COMPOSER NOBUO UEMATSU!". I think you know what to do from there.
Setre, make sure you check your inbox soon for directions on how to claim your prize!
Dear Pwn Kitties,
There are many people that say they're "pro." I mean a lot of people. What are your standards for an individual who would be considered a "pro" and what kind of dedication and skill would it take to make it to that level of gaming?
When I think of a pro gamer, the PMS clan, or the Frag Dolls, or all the male versions of them do not cross my mind, nor do all the little "I'M PRO" losers who feel the need to announce what they think they are with there teeny 340 gamerscore (not an achievement whore, but if your gamerscore is THAT low and you claim to have finished a ton of games, something's obviously wrong). Who do I think of? I think of people like Fatal1ty, as corny as that is, but that's an example of getting paid to appear, to game, and all that. Not that he's the best example, but a professional to me is someone who is sponsored or paid for their gaming time. Gaming is their job. They don't work at McDonald's or Hollister part-time to make ends meet. The kind of skill and dedication needed to commit to that kind of job would be just like any other pro job. You'd have to put in hours and hours every single day to perfect your skill, to learn the game inside and out, as well as practice matches to make sure you're at the top of your game. There's none of this O HAY NEED TO GO 'CAUSE MOM IS CALLING bullshit. If you're a pro gamer, you live to perfect your craft, because you aren't getting paid to go 10 and 27. Next time someone on XBL says they're PRO but yet their gamerscore is dismally low, and they perform worse than an old man on Viagra, call them out. Because they're giving the real pro players a bad image.
In my opinion, calling yourself a "Pro" means you actually get paid to do your thing. When I hear that word, I think of people who compete, practice everyday and probably have a sponsor. Most people will call themselves that meaning that they play a lot and are really good. These people I would consider just "Hardcore". Either way you see it, you'll still hear 10 year olds calling themselves "MLG PRO, BITCH!!" and end the match with 5 kills and 0 assists. Pffft.
Hmm...Would it be a bad thing to shave off all my hair and run down the street seeing how aerodynamic I am?
Well, put your life into perspective. Do chicks really dig bald guys who have no facial hair or eyebrows, and smoother legs than them? Not most chicks. ALTHOUGH, chicks DO dig guys who have shaved pubes so my advice would be to SHAVE UP, STRIP DOWN, and run outside, going "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!". That will be so much fun and totally worth looking like an alien for the next couple of weeks.
Dear Pwn Kitties,
Hmm looks like your not going to answer my question or any of the questions that are asked when you made the contest. Guess it's not that great of a contest and your probably not going to give out left 4 dead keys or else I would of received one b/c I did in fact ask a question. This definitely hinders your credibility when you haven't really answered any questions. Maybe you shouldn't of made this blog if you were going to waste peoples time. Well the question still stands WHY SO SERIOUS?
-Original Cock Odysseus
Maybe we forgot to mention that the contest is only open to people who have actual personalities and do not try to emulate a comic book/cartoon/movie character. Also, you moron, our contest says the RUNNERS-UP will receive a L4D key. Can you not read? Obviously, you can't. As far as "not answering questions" goes, pull your head out of our ass and read the above. How many contests take two days to complete? As if your opinion really matters to us. Oh, and you get absolutely nothing. Thanks. Why so serious? I don't know. Why so desperate for attention?
Hmm looks like you're not that cool of a guy or any of your faggot clan members that joined Pwned. Guess it's not that great of a clan and you're probably not going to ever be liked or show that you can "pwn n00bz" or else I would have seen that happening by now. This definitely hinders your credibility when you haven't really stopped being a dick to anyone. Maybe you shouldn't have made that profile if you were going to waste peoples time. Well the question still stands WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?
More to come! Keep watching this blog!