I know I am still young but back when I was a kid I seen a lot of guys bruised from head to toe for fucking with another man's emotions.  When I was a kid, fights were awesome.  To be able to fight meant you were a man.  I remember hearing victory stories then seeing the guy that got his ass kicked who lived to fight another day bruised up and all.  I've seen guys rise and fall but one thing they had in common was that they didn't back down and later on the guys that fought each other often became friends. 

Now it appears that people are trying to bring back the 60's with all this "peace" stuff which I think makes things worse.  By not fighting and trying to choose peace over violence usually means you're bottling up some bad emotions.  Then someday this guy that has been trying to hold together a peaceful life snaps and kills somebody.  Maybe it is just me, maybe I need to move on and accept the changes that have been made.  I just don't know what I am good for, growing up everything was about fighting for what you believed in and I became really good at fighting.  Now I have to learn something else and start all over.

It's funny because I am also good at "fighter" games like Street Fighter and Fight Night, there doesn't seem to be many people who still get into fighters and I acknowledge that Fight Night is a sports game, not a fighter.  But there are just some things that I am having a hard time letting go of.  When I was a child, whenever I got hurt my step dad told me to "Shut the fuck up" and eventually I stopped crying.  I remember when I was getting at the point of not crying, I would get this knot in my throat and I wouldn't make a sound but tears just seemed to pour, I found it difficult to breathe.  Eventually it became easier to not cry and now crying is just not an ability that I have anymore.

The same man that used to tell me to shut the fuck up when I cried as a child now tells me that it is alright to cry.  He has a few beers too many and he cries, he stumbles, he falls, and he has seizures.  About 15 years ago he was ruthless, now at the age of 66 he is old and weak.  People who don't know him like I do say he is a great man and that there is a lot to learn from him.  Contrary to popular belief, the only thing one can really learn from this man is manipulation and deceit.  A great man would not put his wife's head through a window and blacken her eye or swole her face.  It has been a long time since he has made acts of violence towards my mother, but I have not forgotton.  When he is dead and gone, cremation is the only thing stopping me from pissing on his grave.